it hurts more in the daytime
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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