EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
