How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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