ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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