Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
