I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
