"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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