All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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