So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize