What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
