I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
