I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
