it wasn't lemon gatorade
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
