they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
