i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
