I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
third nipple confirmed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
