Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was confusing and full of hummus
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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