I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
