I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
