I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize