Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
