I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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