I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize