I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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