the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize