margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
