you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
