I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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