he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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