Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
