I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
