it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
