I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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