woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
