yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was born a porn star she said
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
