And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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