insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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