I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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