You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
