Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm getting married
To pizza
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
