ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
