i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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