Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she told me i tasted like america
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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