Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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