she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
