i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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