I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
