I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize