This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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