I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
