i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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