shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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