How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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