Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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