used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
