i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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