No stitches, just platelets and will power
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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