she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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