i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
