So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
