Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
