Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
